elephantiasisoftheblog

Jascha's Law

2009-10-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

There's always more room than you think unless you think there's more room.

10 Percent

2008-11-26T16:14:00.000-08:00

A few months ago a friend of mine threw this at me "art is 10 % inspiration and 90% persperation". Id heard it before but, he was a reliable source. So I milled on that for a while before i came up with my solution. I am going to live life 10 %. That way my inspiration is 100% of me and I cut out 90% of the work.

I know i am perfect

2008-11-26T16:13:00.003-08:00

I know I am perfect
because I can see everyone of my friends flaws.

Cosmic Coincidence?

2008-11-26T16:13:00.001-08:00

After months of early morning trips to the local convenience store to replace one or the other, it finally happened. I ran out of cereal and milk at the exact same time.

A New Word for Internet Racists

2008-11-26T16:12:00.002-08:00

A new word for internet racists (of which there are a super abundance), "bligget"

The Difference Between Atheists and Religious people...

2008-11-26T16:12:00.001-08:00

The Difference Between Atheists and Religious people...

The atheist:

Why are we here...

The religious:

Why are we here... Jesus

The Last Words of Man

2008-11-26T16:11:00.003-08:00

Mankinds last words will be that of a scientist...

"I wonder what happens if I put this here..."

the end.

Dear Mr. President and Congress

2008-11-26T16:11:00.001-08:00

Hi guys,

It's Jascha. You might remember my name as I've been getting lots of letters from you guys regarding a couple of dollars I forgot to send to you over the last few years. Haha, oops! Well anyway, I noticed you guys were giving out 700 billion tax dollars to some pretty big companies on Wall Street and as a troubled business owner myself I was wondering if, maybe, you could send a billion this way. I only owe about $24k, but I feel with a billion I could really get my business back on track (not to mention finally take that vacation I promised my self 2 years ago!). You can make the check out to Jascha L. Rynek or if you want we can set up a direct deposit or cash or something like that.

So let me know when to expect it, I've got a few things I'd like to get settled right away. Thanks!

Sincerely,

-Jascha

Quote

2008-11-26T16:10:00.003-08:00

Livin' is hard on your liver but your liver helps you live.

Revenge

2008-11-26T16:10:00.001-08:00

act 1) Recently my gas was shut off because of non payment. Things have been tough financially lately, largely on account of paying $1,050.00 a month to live in a small studio deep in Korea Town. Forutnately, that is my only utility as the building I live in covers my electricity.

fact 2) Up untill a week ago, the management company I rent from decided it was perfectly acceptable to subject me to remodeling and reconstruction noises in the apartment adjacent to me. I did not find these noises pleasing. I asked if they would move me and my dog into a different unit while the remodeling took place or knock down my rent as compinsation for putting up with such a distraction and they declined.

bringing the two together) Having my gas turned off meant I could no longer cook at home. I would have to pay $70 for the bill and reconnection fee. An electric grill from Target costs $50 and since it runs on electricity would be used at the expense of my landlord.

the result) Revenge is a dish best served grilled on both sides.

Fox News

2008-11-26T16:09:00.000-08:00

Fox News reports as shifty as a nascar clutch.

heyo!

Fishing

2008-11-26T16:08:00.001-08:00

I'm surprised women don't like fishing in lakes because they love to do it in conversations

Amber's Dry Cleaning Service

2007-02-04T02:51:00.000-08:00

Ambers' Dry Cleaning Service.
"Leaves Your Clothes Warm, Hairy and Wrinkly!"

New word. I'll take credit for it.

1.re·dumb·dant
[ri-duhmb-duhnt]
–adjective
The use of an analogy from one sport to describe achievement in another.
example: "Hey, Jim. Did you see that pass? It was a total homerun!"

2.re·dumb·dant
[ri-duhmb-duhnt]
–noun
A type of person that uses the verb form of this word.
example:

Shaving With an Electric Razor

2007-01-31T00:10:00.000-08:00

I suppose this blog only applies to those that have shaved with an electric razor or would like to know what it feels like to shave with an electric razor...
I suppose then, as well, this only applies to those that have seen the movie Rush.
I suppose that you know what it is like to stare at that which you intend to inflict serious bodily damage with and then plunge into that sadistic abyss. I suppose you know, you, what it's like to put your genitals through a linguine cutter. I suppose you know it all. I suppose you have gone into Sears and shelled out 147.49 dollars on a machine that will not only cut through your flesh like an oxy-acedeline torch through marmalade, but sear what ever is left of it into chunks of orange peel apocalypse... FOR THE SAKE OF THE ALMIGHTY, DON'T PURCHASE AN ELECTRIC RAZOR. I am at peace.
-J

A little word about weed....

2007-01-30T23:22:00.000-08:00

Joints are life...

Bongs are wet dreams...

BAM!!!!

A Wine Epiphany

2007-01-30T21:16:00.000-08:00

Getting drunk is just grapes sharing their happiness with me.

People I Hate The Most In My Life

2007-01-30T16:45:00.000-08:00

1. Greg
2. Mark
3. Ollie
4. Sarah
5. Aaron
6. Josh
7. You

Amberger

2007-01-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

She asked me... "does this fur make me look fat?"
I responded... "yes"
I no longer have a dog.

Do I Rule the World Yet?

2007-01-30T01:31:00.000-08:00

I came up with a fancy enough blog name, that's for sure. I was so impressed with myself. Elephantiasisoftheblog. Genius. Sheer, un-adultered genius. And that's where it ends. Now I am writing nonsense. Well, I guess it does make sense. Unless I write like this-

jolly hitch fake the pony.

That would be nonesense.

**************AND NOW THE TOP 10 REASONS I DON'T BLOG VERY OFTEN!**************

10. I thought a diatribe was an Indigenous African Dieter!
9. As much as I talk about myself, I don't find I'm that interesting!
...
2. I'm lazy!
1. I thought blogging was another form of masturbation! (in which case I am an avid blogger)

I always except donations.
C/O elefantiasisoftheblog.com
P.O Box 1
Washington D.C. 00001

Thank you and good night!