Sunday, February 4, 2007

Amber's Dry Cleaning Service

Ambers' Dry Cleaning Service.
"Leaves Your Clothes Warm, Hairy and Wrinkly!"

New word. I'll take credit for it.·dumb·dant
The use of an analogy from one sport to describe achievement in another.
example: "Hey, Jim. Did you see that pass? It was a total homerun!"·dumb·dant
A type of person that uses the verb form of this word.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Shaving With an Electric Razor

I suppose this blog only applies to those that have shaved with an electric razor or would like to know what it feels like to shave with an electric razor...
I suppose then, as well, this only applies to those that have seen the movie Rush.
I suppose that you know what it is like to stare at that which you intend to inflict serious bodily damage with and then plunge into that sadistic abyss. I suppose you know, you, what it's like to put your genitals through a linguine cutter. I suppose you know it all. I suppose you have gone into Sears and shelled out 147.49 dollars on a machine that will not only cut through your flesh like an oxy-acedeline torch through marmalade, but sear what ever is left of it into chunks of orange peel apocalypse... FOR THE SAKE OF THE ALMIGHTY, DON'T PURCHASE AN ELECTRIC RAZOR. I am at peace.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

A little word about weed....

Joints are life...

Bongs are wet dreams...


A Wine Epiphany

Getting drunk is just grapes sharing their happiness with me.

People I Hate The Most In My Life

1. Greg
2. Mark
3. Ollie
4. Sarah
5. Aaron
6. Josh
7. You


She asked me... "does this fur make me look fat?"
I responded... "yes"
I no longer have a dog.

Do I Rule the World Yet?

I came up with a fancy enough blog name, that's for sure. I was so impressed with myself. Elephantiasisoftheblog. Genius. Sheer, un-adultered genius. And that's where it ends. Now I am writing nonsense. Well, I guess it does make sense. Unless I write like this-

jolly hitch fake the pony.

That would be nonesense.

**************AND NOW THE TOP 10 REASONS I DON'T BLOG VERY OFTEN!**************

10. I thought a diatribe was an Indigenous African Dieter!
9. As much as I talk about myself, I don't find I'm that interesting!
2. I'm lazy!
1. I thought blogging was another form of masturbation! (in which case I am an avid blogger)

I always except donations.
P.O Box 1
Washington D.C. 00001

Thank you and good night!